For granted

We take things for granted all the time. Even little comforts, little pleasures. Friends, family, loved ones, pets. Health, money, lifestyle. Jobs, positions. Countries.

The tea house on the corner; the favorite treat from the bakery; the meatballs you grew up with; the house you always rented on vacation; the singer or rock band you follow; the house you grew up in; the tree in your backyard; your friendly manager; your hubby who comfortably snores next to you, whose warm skin you can touch, who gives you a backrub to soothe your worries; the corner cube you secured and escape to; your crooked but functional nose; your big fuzzy cat who sleeps on your lap everynight; the comforting emails you get from your sister, your loving parent who is not near but you know safely tucked where; the favorite girl friend whom you think you can all at any time of the night; your ability to walk, sleep well, breathe, see, go to bathroom without pain, not waking up in the middle of the night gasping for air....

Then something happens. While you are negotiating on the phone, chewing your nails on some stupid argument, some paragraph in a silly spec, some chapter, worrying about the next big thing, some meaningless title, little gain... One thing dissappears from your granted list. Sometimes one another. Sometimes you think you like the change. At times you initiate it even. For example, on the last days of all of my jobs, i sadly realize, all the time, what I was taking for granted at every one of them. My big room at Oracle, my friends that I would slowly lose touch, seeing the birds diving for fish from my room in the pond, my coffee breaks with Eric gossiping about the next big thing, my discussions with Anish, meeting with people in the dive-pub in Belmont, driving only 10 minutes to home. When changes happen, we do not realize what we are replacing those we take for granted with. At times, it is for the better we say. We bear long commutes, meet new people, rewear the new versions of the old clothers, talk about EJBs for the god zillion time, get used to another set of politics, replace the knowledge of some dynamic language with another, enlighten the youth about everyold thing is new... Life goes on. If we try hard, we acumulate our favorite people and file them, neurish them with occasionally, and hope that life brings us back together again. Just to keep that thing we took for granted.

Unfortunately, clock only moves forward. However many sci-fi novels you read, Borges stories you consume, people get old, move, get sick, die. Houses get sold, demolished. Jobs get boring, lost, stupid, positions stagnant. The worst of all you take your body for granted, as if there is always a new thing, a new hope. You can change this one too, /fix/debug/recompile/redeploy, right? The first acute realization of taking things for granted occur when you reach the age of 40! Sadly, but for mysterious reasons, you tend to lose or realize you are losing couple of things that were for granted at the same time at that mark. Your body does not obey anymore, you grow a belly, some asthma, some nagging pain here and there, can not climb the steps the same way anymore, those late nighters you were able to pull off are not possible while you are snoozing off on the couch.. Bad things happen to your relationships, too. It is all the timing baby. No one tells you though, turning the big four-o is about realizing you can not keep taking things granted anymore. That is just a warning. The worse things are yet to come.

Mostly it is your body. If it works, it is great. Use it or lose it. You do not mentally realize this though, it is just incomprehensible before. To appreciate what may happen and ignore the constant irrelevant noise in life, everyone should be taken to a hospital and be stuck with an IV waiting for a surgery to come. Unfortunately, people tend to forget these mistakes and several days/months later turn back to the old habits. I did. Several years ago, when i returned back from a leave of absence in one of my old jobs, I found out that my name was deliberately removed from a specification and proposal I worked hard to materialize before my absence. The head/chief architect probably did not think I was going to come back. I needed a break and was sorting out health checkups. I was so relieved not to have cancer before my return that I could deal with that supposedly very important thing. I was ok. I would be ok. It cost me tremendously and made me leave a company which i loved dearly, but I could endure stupid work stuff while thinking of the needles poken in my throat during the time of biopsy. I decided that i could not work at a place which allowed such things happen to their senior engineers. Moved on. I was being taken for granted. It was clear what was important, I was well, I was alive. Did not forget what happened, though, but learned what not to take for granted. My health. For a while at least.

I sometimes think that deaths are like this, too. These periodic reminders to make sure not to take our loved ones for granted. Unfortunately, this, also, lasts only for a limited time. Nagging daily worries expand to take up our entire concience as time goes on. We forget the promises. Start not calling the relative or the friend just because we have some important report to write, phone call to make. Sometimes other reminders come along and let us know what we slipped by our fingers. Recently, looking at my old high school pictures at Facebook (a very fine example of community colloboration), it became clear how many of these folks I did not appreciate at the time but would love to keep in my daily life today. But, taking things for granted, these photos are a concrete reminder of those days, passed and friendships preserved like dried roses in an old book.

One thing I know is hospital visits get more frequent as you get older. Perhaps this is why old folks are either grumpy or very wise. They, too, have learned not to take things for granted in due time...